Watchmen (2009)

Hey! I'm back! Well, not back in America but back on the internet. I'll be reporting from Tuebingen, Germany for the next several months so my movie viewing will be affected for better or worse by this fact.

I'm sure I can't say much more than everyone else has already said, so I'll try to keep this short. Set in an alternate-history 1985, Watchmen follows a group of former costumed vigilantes forced to reconnect after one of their number, The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), is murdered. Rorshach (Jackie Earle Haley), the only one still active after the Keene Act criminalized costumed vigilantism, believes someone is out to assassinate former heroes and warns anyone he believes is in danger. Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson) has become pudgy and reserved, secretly longing for his high-tech suit and gadgetry. Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), the smartest man in the world, has developed an extraordinarily successful business empire around his persona. Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman) has spent the last several years holed up in a secret government-operated base with her lover, Dr Manhattan (Billy Crudup), the matter-rearranging, omniscient, telepathic superman.

The story moves between this current predicament and each character's crime-fighting history. Their relationships are highlighted as well as their reasons for doing what they did. Rorshach's conspiracy theory begins to solidify after Ozymandias is attacked, and Nite Owl and Silk Spectre are encouraged to get back into their costumes. Meanwhile Dr Manhattan, the USA's personal weapon and major deterrent to attacks from Russia, has been losing all connection with humanity and is on the verge of leaving the planet altogether, which would prompt nuclear war.

Ok so first let me say that I don't think this should ever have been a movie in the first place. What's so great about the Watchmen graphic novel (among many things) is that it showed what a graphic novel could do for storytelling that no other medium could do. But obviously it is too late. Anyway I thought this movie was ok. I think it'll be easiest to do a list of things I liked and didn't like.

Liked:
-I think Jackie Earle Haley was great as Rorshach. He looked the part and just did an overall good job with the role.
-The cinematography was beautiful. The colouring was excellent and the look and atmosphere of the settings were detailed and solid. Great costumes and effects, as well, especially with Dr Manhattan's blueness.
-Not too much was cut out, which I can appreciate. So many book adaptations leave tons out or change major plot points- just look at the Harry Potter franchise. You can see the writers were really intent on doing as much as they could directly from the comic panels. I didn't mind that they changed the ending a little bit.
-The opening sequence was really well done, even though I suspect people who haven't read the book might be confused by it. The song was too obvious but I really liked the visual aspects.
-I dug how gory it was. I feel like Zach Snyder watched Sin City just before working on this and was like, "We need this, but in colour". The violence was not toned down like in many superhero movies. (But obviously, Sin City did it better.)

Disliked:
-Malin Akerman and Matthew Goode were absolutely awful. They were so freaking young for the roles that it totally took me out of the chronology of the story, plus they were just bad actors. Akerman especially: ugh every line she said was delivered so flatly or sometimes oddly sarcastically. I don't care how good she looks in a latex suit, she was just so bad.
-The music was blaring, inappropriate, and annoying. Every time a scene was doing ok, some awful song would come on and completely ruin the moment.
-The worst sex scene I have ever seen on film. My god. Ugh.
-Too much fucking slow motion. Get over it, Snyder.
-Adaptation-wise, while I appreciated the writers keeping so much in, I also think they did a poor job of translating some of the comic script to the film. Much of the dialogue seemed stilted in real life (part of this was the actors' delivery, too), and the way the action played out didn't always flow well. Too much was packed together while other scenes were unnecessary or overlong. I know there'll be a director's cut dvd with the full-length movie that will probably work better, but that's irrelevant at the moment.

Overall it's a very pretty, exciting movie with some very good action scenes and an interesting plot, coupled with bad acting, pacing, and music. But mostly it's proof that some things should just stay on the page. For example, things written by Alan Moore. I'm excited for the Tales of the Black Freighter animated film, though.

3/5