It's a CAR-TASTROPHE (Get It?!) Double Feature: Cars (2006) and Cars 2 (2011)

Seen: low-quality torrent on big screen/projector (Cars); in 3D at Harvard AMC (Cars 2)

*This post is part of the Juxtaposition Blogathon at Pussy Goes Grr*

Until last week Cars was the only Pixar film I hadn't seen, and I'd often heard it was the weakest of the studio's output (though some uphold its values). With the release of Cars 2 and my completist nature, it seemed time to finally give it a viewing, followed shortly by the sequel. The script/characters/animation aside, I had a difficult time just rationalizing the world the writers have created, which really took away from any enjoyment I might have had. A throwaway line or winking joke would launch a sea of questions that distracted me from the actual story. No suspension of disbelief here, there are just too many holes.

In the world of Cars, automobiles are just like humans, and lol they do human things only with car motivations! They drink motor oil instead of beer! They have a Leaning Tower of Tires! They... drive around! Lightning McQueen is a cocky racer who gets stuck in a "town that time forgot" when a major highway was built nearby. They make him stay to re-pave the road he accidentally destroyed, and in the process he makes new friends/learns about small-town living/comes to appreciate that maybe the rural Southwest is ok. But he's got a really important race coming up- WILL HE MAKE IT, and if so WILL HE EVEN WIN. The stakes! They're... not too high, actually.

The general plot of this movie isn't too hard to figure out- it's standard family fare with lessons of tolerance, friendship, loyalty, and humility. And it teaches everyone to maybe not be such a dick all the time. I have no problem with these themes, or the way the script carries them out, though I think it is generally with less wit and charm than other Pixar efforts. The characters are all strangely mired in stereotype- is this town really so "diverse" as to have a pothead hippie, loud military drill sergeant, Latino mechanic with those high-rise things (what are those called? Like when you can make your car taller? Suspension?), a bucktooth "hillbilly" who wears his own ignorance like armor, and an Italian who sounds like he stepped right out of an Olive Garden commercial? At least Paul Newman's character actually resembled a person. I miss that guy.

It's got some good jokes and I appreciated the investigation of a struggling small town, which is definitely aimed a bit more at adults than children (that whole montage of the 1950's would probably go over some kids' heads, I assume). The animation is of course swell, with excellent attention to texture in the cars themselves, fun racing scenes, and a few cute visual gags. There are three lady characters, all of whom own their own businesses. And one of them is a lawyer or something.

The sequel sees McQueen and pals traveling to Tokyo, Rome, and London for a series of big races sponsored by an alternative fuel company. He takes along his best friend Mater (voiced by Larry the Cable Guy), whose loud antics and unconscious rudeness cause problems both on and off the racetrack. Mater accidentally lands himself in the middle of a spy thriller when he is mistaken for an undercover secret agent by two British spy cars. There is some evil organization blowing up the race cars in the big race, and he stumbles upon the truth and everyone learns to be nicer to him even though he's a complete idiot.

The story is all over the place, the star of the film suddenly isn't at all the star as attention shifts to Mater (note to filmmakers: Do Not Make Larry The Cable Guy The Star Of Your Movie), and a whole host of new questions arises about the set-up of this world. I was biting my tongue throughout most of the film. The James Bond-y scenes are cool, with Michael Caine having a good time voicing "Finn McMissile" as his car shoots out grappling hooks and torpedoes left and right. And there's a lady who knows about computers (since all the other female characters are essentially wiped from the film). The best character remains the Italian mechanic Guido, though. He doesn't talk and he's adorable and he's tiny. Most of the background characters are weird ethnic stereotypes though, which is a trend I guess.

So if you follow either me or the much funnier Miles on twitter you might have seen the myriad problems we had with these movies. Not only do they both read as 2-hour long toy advertisements, they also don't make ANY FUCKING SENSE. Let's really think about the ramifications of a world populated by cars. Are they born or made? They have mothers and siblings, so perhaps they're born, but then how the hell do they copulate? Do they have sex? In the second film it is said they are "manufactured", in which case what kind of creature is manufacturing them? And why are some of them cruelly made to be "lemons" (a big point of the sequel)? Did they spring into existence in the early 1900's? Or have they been around as long as humans have? The sequel hints that the history is the same as humans, meaning somehow these complex machines that could not have existed in ancient times were somehow being constructed.

Some machines are shown as animals, meaning everything is a car here, not just humans. There are car flies and tractor cows. They're farming for some reason, but they don't eat regular food (although now that I think about it, maybe it's corn and stuff for clean fuel). They have planes and boats, which are also sentient, but which seem to only exist to ferry cars around. We don't see them with their own plane/train/boat-based cultures. This is the equivalent of our own cars in real life being sentient transportation slaves, which is pretty fucked up.

I KNOW THESE MOVIES ARE FOR KIDS, before you say it. I get it. I know several little boys who love these movies and collect all the toys. I'm sure they also go over well with the Nascar set, which admittedly is a culture I'm pretty removed from in the Northeast. I understand that a lot of my questions and points about plot holes wouldn't occur to a child watching them. But hey, I'm totally grown-up, I'm not going to apologize for watching a film as an adult. I usually enjoy kids' movies, especially Pixar, but the Cars franchise just feels lazy and poorly thought-out. The writing isn't as clever and even the messages are pretty muddled, especially in the sequel, which I'm pretty sure is anti-handicapped people? And anti-alternative fuel companies? It also preaches that Mater, an ignorant and stubborn idiot, shouldn't have to change or shouldn't listen to anyone who doesn't like the way he is. I'm all for being yourself, but he is incredibly rude to other cultures and completely incapable of behaving like an adult, and this is saying he never has to grow or learn or adapt.

Ugh. Cars. SO MANY PROBLEMS.

Cars: 3/5
Cars 2: 2/5