Seen: On our big screen/projector set-up, streamed from Miles's computer.
It makes me so happy to know that in the year of my birth something as fantastic as Bloodsport was going on. It was released two days before I was born. Like, my parents could have been watching it at that moment, if they wanted. If they weren't sort of boring (loljk ilu mom&dad). Supposedly based on a true story, Bloodsport stars ultrahuman Jean-Claude Van Damme as Frank Dux (that's DUKES), a super awesome fighter guy who leaves the army so he can compete in a super-secret underground fighting tournament in Hong Kong, known as KUMITE. He pals around with a brawny American wrestler-type, romances a blonde reporter lady, runs from military police hot on his trail, and kicks the shit out of a lot of people. And meditates while doing splits. Like, a lot. What a showoff.
What an easy movie to like. It's pretty simple, even for someone like me who often has trouble paying attention to plots of things (I seriously space out during expository dialogue all the freaking time). Van Damme and his cohorts just know how to give the people what they want. Bloody fights, butts, weird dialogue, over-the-top chase scenes, young Forest Whitaker for some reason, an amazing theme song, and lots of high kicks! The validity of Dux's autobiographical claims may be highly questionable, but I can't deny it makes for a good action movie. It's exciting and silly in equal measure, pretty much just what you want in a Van Damme movie.
Its main flaw is that there's way too much set-up. I know they had to explain how a tiny Frenchman became super-skilled at martial arts, but the set of flashback sequences are shoddily put together and mostly unnecessary. At first I thought Dux's "bromance" (oh, what a term) with the meathead guy was out of place too, but it gets so ludicrously serious that I ended up loving it. Dux totally has to AVENGE this asshole he's known for two days! MELODRAMA.
In the end, Bloodsport is worth it even if only for Van Damme's crazyface. And also for everything else.
Pair This Movie With: Admittedly we kept thinking about the Frisky Dingo episode with the fighting rabbits ("Chinatown's got something for everybody!") but maybe that's not your thing. It should be, though.